What Are Mindset Minisodes?
I’ve been hosting the Phoenix Helix Podcast for over 8 years, and there are now over 200 episodes in the archives! The long-form interviews you know and love will continue every 4 weeks. In between, I’ll be sharing short episodes inspired by my book: Healing Mindset – A Guide to the Mind-Body Connection for People With Autoimmune Disease. Stress is a powerful trigger of inflammation and autoimmune activity, and most of us have experienced stress-induced autoimmune flares. That’s the power of the mind-body connection working against us. However, we can also make the mind-body connection work for us! Simple techniques can help us relieve stress and send an anti-inflammatory cascade through our bodies instead. That’s my goal with these episodes. In each one, I’ll teach a simple technique you can start using right away.
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The Healthy Power of Saying No
Many of us love to help others and also love to please others, which can make it hard to say no. The trouble is that there are limited hours in the day, and we can’t do everything. When we have autoimmune disease, learning to set limits is essential to our health. Sometimes we forget that when we say yes to everyone else, we’re saying no to ourselves. Eventually, our body might say no for us in the form of an autoimmune flare. None of us wants that. In today’s mindset minisode, I’m going to share some beginner tips for saying no. I’ll also share a technique that can help you identify your priorities so that you say yes to what matters most, and say no to the things that keep you from those priorities.
Beginner Tips for Saying No
- Beware of the word “should” appearing in your mind when someone makes a request. “I should” is usually code for “I don’t want to.” This has been incredibly helpful for me to realize. Now when I think that phrase, I realize I’m feeling obligated. For the things we truly enjoy, there is no “should” involved. We want to say yes! And joyful yeses are the best ones. You might still choose to say yes to an obligation, but consider it carefully, and only do so when it aligns with your values.
- Another tip is to check in with your body. Just like “should” is a red flag, there are physical red flags as well. When someone asks you to do something, pay attention to how your body responds. Do you feel excited, or are you filled with dread? Do you feel a burst of joy, or do you feel heavy with fatigue? Do you tense up, take a step back, cross your arms, or clench your hands into a fist? Or do you find yourself leaning forward, wanting to learn more?
- Lastly, when you’re ready to say no, don’t feel pressured to give elaborate excuses. People often see that as an invitation to debate, and they may challenge your reasons in an attempt to convince you to say yes. Keep it simple. “No” is a complete sentence. If that feels too rude, one of my favorite ways to say no is: “No, but thanks for asking.”
Technique: Jar Exercise
As I said in the introduction, every time we say yes to something, we’re saying no to something else, but we don’t realize that in the moment. There are a finite number of hours in the day. When we run out of time, we drop things we consider lower priorities to try to fulfill our most important commitments. Here’s the thing: What if we haven’t set our priorities? Then, whatever is on the calendar takes precedence, often leaving no time for what we say matters most.
Picture a jar, and next to it is a pile of stones of varying sizes. If you put the smallest stones in first, there won’t be room for the big stones. If you put the big stones in first, you can fit some smaller stones around it. Choose your stones carefully. Define your priorities in advance, and use that as a screening tool when someone asks for a commitment of your time. Do you want more time with people you love? Do you want time for yourself to rest and renew? Is there a goal or a dream you never seem to have time to focus on? Is there a cause that you are passionate about? Is there something that brings you joy, that you never make time to do? Look at your calendar. Block out time for these things first. Some of them might even overlap—you might do something you enjoy with someone you love, for example. If you volunteer at an event, make sure it’s a cause you believe in. These are your “Big Yeses.” After that, see what time remains for the smaller ones. You deserve to say yes to yourself and the things that matter most to you, and that means you have every right to say no to the things that matter less.
My Book: Healing Mindset
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